i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had sex on a roof
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
