he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
