On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just threw up on my dentist
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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