He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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