How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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