I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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