Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
