Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
