I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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