Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
