fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
