the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize