I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
