you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
