Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
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