i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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