I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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