First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
