i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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