Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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