Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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