Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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