She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
