So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
