I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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