remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was confusing and full of hummus
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
