Are we in a gay sports bar?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
