Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
