walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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