well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
