Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it because I queefed?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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