We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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