i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
