I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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