I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
