I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
