THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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