Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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