Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I AM VODKA MAN
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
