a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize