It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
