Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
