duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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