OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
