redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
