were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
