Already got asked if we're dating
you didnt know i had herpes?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
