this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
