i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
