mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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