My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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