what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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