I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
