Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
