I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize