exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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