Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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