Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
