you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
