You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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