Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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