first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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