If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
