I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
