I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need moral support for this bender
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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