If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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