My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
