yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
try to milk me bitch
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