I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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