I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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