And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
