So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
