every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
