he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
