I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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