What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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